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Monday, June 2, 2008

Obama Agonistes: Everyone Barack Knows Hates America! How Was HE To Know?

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A Parody - I think

The Barack Obama campaign continues to reel after the revelation of a just completed and comprehensive study conclusively proving that everybody Senator Obama has ever known hates America. The study, conducted by a research organization said to have ties with Senator Hillary Clinton (who denies any connection, saying she was "saddened but not surprised that Senator Obama would try to divert attention from this very damaging study and place the blame on a woman.") traces Obama's personal relationships back to his earliest days up to the present time.

Attempting to address the study the Obama campaign released a 10,000 page statement responding to each accusation contained within it. In the statement's 100 page summary Obama says,

This study is a shallow attempt to break the back of hope, the hope that I have spent my entire life trying to bring. I will not allow those who try to divide Americans to do so again. No longer will those who love America be divided from those who don't. No longer will the forces of division separate us based how much we love...or hate America. I see a new day when those who think America is a shining city on a hill seek kinship with those who see America as the greatest force for evil in the history of the world.

I think MSNBC journalist Keith Olbermann said it best when he said that this study is "The worst study in the WORLD" not just for one day but for an entire week and I agree."

The Obama campaign's point-by-point refutation of the charges leveled against the Senator includes responses to many relationships unknown to the public until this time. In a section dealing with Obama's time as an activist in Chicago the study notes his relationship with Mustaffah Kill-America, the owner of his local deli in which the study claims ,
The deli's sandwiches were given names such as the "George Washington was a slave owning pig" ham sandwich, and the "Sacrificial Lamb on Rye".

In response, the Obama statement says,

Each time I frequented that particular establishment I noted the pain in Mr. Kill-America's eyes and I saw his naming his sandwiches as he did as his way of coming to terms with this country and therefore his way of healing. I continue to see him as my mentor when it comes to the salted luncheon meats.

I could no more disavow my favorite deli-man than I could disavow my favorite mechanic who was convicted of trying to turn an '87 Chevy into a car bomb, based solely circumstantial evidence.

In responding to the study's revelation that the Reverend O. P. Pressed, the pastor of his new church, the O. P. Pressed Church Oh' Christ, had written his senior thesis on the topic of "America Is Responsible For Every Lousy Thing That Ever Happened To You. Blow The Sucker UP!", Obama explained,
The Reverend O. P. Pressed was, at that time working out his inner conflicts about a country which he dearly loves but about which he had become disillusioned and so was working his way through this personal turmoil in his thesis. And I will remind you that the charges against him for allegedly assisting the Unabomber were dropped for insufficient evidence.

The study also revealed Obama's relationship with faux native American, disgraced Left-wing former faux academic Ward Churchill who Obama has described as his "Eagle Spirit" mentor. Obama said that he met the America-loathing Churchill when Churchill was trying to decide what minority he wanted to make believe he was. Obama's statement says,

I was impressed by his dedication to escaping from his oppressor identity and stepping into a new role. I could see the sincerity he brought to pretending that he was a Native American and could feel the burden that he assumed when he realized all the suffering he would have to make believe he had gotten from his make believe ancestors. It was profound and life-changing for me.

I couldn't deny him the hatred he now felt for America, realising the very personal connection he now had with his faux forebears. I can no more reject Churchill than I could all the other people making believe they are something other than what they are. And now that he is pretending to be a hermaphrodite, pretend-experiencing all the suffering that particular demographic has experienced, there is no way that I would or could ever disavow him.

Besides highlighting the fact that everyone Obama has ever known hates America the study also delves some other aspects of his life that some find troubling. It reveals Obama has never read a book that doesn't have a subject matter doesn't, in some way hold America responsible for some social ill. The study has uncovered a comment Obama made as a college student in which he said,
"That Communist Manifesto is the best book I've ever read. I'm going to spend the rest of my life trying to bring it to life!"

Responding to this in his statement Obama explains,

"Sure, I was a young man with the whole world opening up in front of me and I've always spoken in terms of "aspirational totems" and the goals of the Manifesto remain distinctive in the annals of humanity. While I don't subscribe to all of its particulars I could no more disavow it than I could disavow Howard Zinn's The People's History of the United States or the movie, Loose Changes by those cool high school kids. They are all life-changing experiences and to deny them would be to deny a part of America that speaks to our greatest hopes for change and brighter tomorrows and cotton candy and bluebirds and cute little kittens.

These things are my cultural mentors and I could no more disavow them than I could my autographed Che' hand grenade.

Although his statement has been met with extreme skepticism by those frequently described as being Right-wing wackos such as talk show hosts Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity and Laura Ingraham, more reasoned voices in the media have been more willing to take Obama at his word.

CBS anchorwoman Katie Couric said on air that,

"Obama's eloquent response to this attack on him has been known to drop people to their knees in tears, rending their garments and muttering to themselves that 'finally a new day in American politics is dawning.' As a personal aside I have to say that I too choked back tears as I read what many are calling the greatest piece of writing in the history of mankind, including Shakespeare and Toni Morrison."

According to the latest Rasmussen poll, Senator Obama has widened his lead over Senator John McCain to 25 points.

Hot Air talks about Obama leaving his church.
So does Below The Beltway
Ed Morrissey at Hot Air gets it
Liberty Pundit also talks about BO leaving the church
Betsy's Page discusses Fr. Pfleger

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